Lists

14 things not to say to the owner of the house you’re viewing…

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And yes ‘You clearly don’t own a duster’ is one of them…

1) ‘Well I mean ideally, I want to knock this wall down in order to make room for my giant statue of a bull’

2) ‘Do you think the neighbours would mind if I turned the conservatory into a drumming centre, I am very good with egg boxes for sound proofing’

3) ‘I really like that sick coloured bathroom’

4) ‘Hmm looks like somebody’s good at making small things look bigger on pictures’ 

5) ‘ Do you think my group of homing pigeons would be able to fit on that small balcony? There are 17 of them?’

6) ‘Well I saw what you planned to wear to work tomorrow and in my opinion a blue shirt would work a lot better’

7) ‘Have you guys thought about eating organically,master looking in the fridge it seems you guys aren’t very economically friendly’

8) ‘I mean it’s a good height, a stripper pole could fit quite nicely in the corner’ 

9) ‘Do you think the people across the road would be against my nudist parties?’

10) ‘Well I’m the sort of person, I don’t believe in boundaries between neighbours’

11) ‘Well my dog only barks at cats, babies, small birds, big birds, other dogs, humans, clouds, postmen, towels and cars’ 

12) ‘My favourite past time is hoovering at 3 in the morning, just after a long sing on the karaoke’ 

13) ‘Well really when you say monthly payments, I’m guessing you mean, you know every few months, rent is very flexible’

14) ‘Do you think mattress races down the stairs would be okay?’

Love Robyn!

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29 thoughts on “14 things not to say to the owner of the house you’re viewing…”

  1. I’ve just had people ask me if I could leave EVERYTHING behind, just as it is because they love my things and decor so much. *Facepalm

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  2. I guess it depends on if you’re looking to rent vs. buy.
    If you’re looking to rent: “Oh, this room would be perfect for my drums…Uh, tuba…I mean, kazoo set!” or “How many cats before I have to pay extra?” or “Can you help me move in my old newspaper and soiled magazine stacks? I NEED THEM!” or “That toilet looks like a challenge. Never met a toilet I haven’t clogged. I love a good challenge.”
    If you’re looking to buy from that owner: “You raised your kids here? Eww. Well, I guess we can get past that.” or “How many of these rooms have you had sex in?” or “That basement looks great, like no one could hear someone screaming down there.” or “We’ll take the house, but only if you leave the dog…and your beer…and your underwear.”

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  3. I’ve seen this scenario from both sides. We’ve seen the home that was full of various aromas and a tall layer of trash and wondered where they hid the bodies; we saw the elderly cat lady’s house that smelled like cat and elderly lady. And we saw the home that was so perfect we felt unworthy, right down to the crosses hanging on the wall. I don’t even think Jesus would have moved there. And we sold houses while two invading toddlers were doing their best to destroy the infrastructure. (they were our kids) Picture crayon and permanent marker art on the walls, diapers (we had a “Genie”), and an array of toddler toys and plush articles that decorated the children’s rooms. And our stuff. We cleaned ALL the time, and left whenever there was a showing. I hate moving.

    “Well, this location has potential, and the floor plan is all right, but do you think the owner will clean before we buy, or will we have to rent a back hoe, a few dumpsters, and face masks? Can those expenses be taken off the sale price? Do we have to start payments right away, or can we wait until the house is actually liveable?”

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