When I started thinking about writing a blog, I surfed and scrolled and clicked through hundreds of examples of blogs and instagrams, to find the main thing that seemed to unite bloggers around the globe was fashion and shopping and looking fabulous in hats. And that filled me with dread. Because I hate shopping. I am not good at it and I’m not good at being fashionable…
1) The people, so many people. If you’ve ever made the terrible mistake of visiting Topshop on Boxing Day and nearly had a small brawl over a leather skirt that maybe you did or didn’t need you’ll understand why being surrounded by that many people does not make shopping a great experience.
2) Buying something, being totally overwhelmingly happy and imagining how brilliant you’re going to look in it and then getting it home and trying it on. It doesn’t fit, it seems to emphasise your armpit fat and to be honest it doesn’t cover your arse. And the worse thing? Being then too lazy to take it back and it sits sadly at the back of the wardrobe for eternity.
3) The walking around, it would be so much more helpful if that New Look shirt you need for work and those brogues from Topshop were in one convenient place
4) The fashion show that is walking down the high street, you came out in your skinny jeans with yesterday’s mayonnaise on them to grab a pair of false eyelashes from Primark and you feel like a gremlin because of the hoards of beautiful, stylish women and men that came out to shop and be fabulous. Sob.
5) Hand cramp, why is there no better solution to plastic bags?! They dig into your palm, terrible for the environment and they break! And now you have approximately 150 to add to the billowing collections of plastic bags at home.
6) When it seems like all your ideas on fashion and clothing have evaporated out of your head and your stood in a changing room with something glittery and something just a bit too tight and wondering what your doing with your life.
7) Changing room mirrors. Need I say more? You suddenly regret the Big Mac you just ate, you’re making a mental note to join a Gym and your wondering where on earth all that cellulite came from.
8) Money. When the stars have aligned and you magically find something that flatters and is sexy but not in a slutty way and you feel great and you absolutely could not see any Cellulite in the mirror, and then you look at the price. Silently hanging up and returning it, wondering if food really is more important than a new dress.
9) The sweating, you wore a coat this morning when you were waiting for the bus, it was cold, but now it’s sunny and a black coat was not at all a good idea. Not to mention the constant need to acclimatise to each shops heating and even worse the sweaty tussle that is trying something on and then having to putting your clothes back on. Why oh why.
And now after getting that off my chest I feel a lot better, hopefully one day I’ll learn to love the sacred art of shopping, till then I’ll have to grin and bear it.