Sometimes you need to spring clean your friend circle and in the famous words of Kevin Gnapoor ‘do your thaaang’…
1) The one that always tells you how many calories are in that nutella-jaffa cake sandwich you’re eating.
2) The one who takes every oppurtunity to shit on your parade- no it’s fine they were only my hopes and dreams!
3) The one who suspiciously never answers your texts even though whenever you’re with them they’re always on their phone.
4) The one that interrupts your really important news to tell you something thats definitely not as important as your news.
5) The one that thinks one bottle of wine between four people is ‘enough’.
6) Oh and the same person as above that utters the phrase ‘We don’t need alcohol to have fun’. Why. Just why.
7) The one that smiles at your face but you know through the grapevine that she went behind your back and told someone that you’ve gotten really fat.
8) The one that you go shopping with, that walks into every changing room complaining how fat they are (even worse if you’re a size bigger!!).
9) The one who can’t understand why you eat a burger with your hands- not with a knife and fork. I know.
10) The one with all the excuses.
11) The one who always makes reservations in the fanciest restaurants even though they know you earn a pittance.
12) The ones who have birthdays next to christmas (I’m one of them). They might not do anything wrong but damn that financial strain.
13) The one that takes pictures of you in your disgusting, hungover states and whacks them on facebook for all to see.