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15 things not to say to your pregnant friend…

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Pregnant people are like old people, something’s you just can’t get away with saying…

1) Well at least all your pregnancy fat is hiding your normal fat…

2) Well I can see you’ve been taking this opportunity to eat as many cream cakes as possible…

3) Is it true about the nipples?

4) What if it comes out a girl even though you’ve painted the nursery blue and bought all boys clothes?

5) How do you feel about a blue cheese and pickle sandwich….oh you look right poorly sick you!

6) Well does morning sickness really exist….really?! 

7) I’m so hungover, I think I’m gunna chunder you have absolutely no idea how uncomfortable I feel right now. 

8) Do they do maternity socks?

9) Are you sure about that name? I mean it’s not too late to change it, you are only in the early stages of labour…

10) Can you please not shout so loud?! Contractions can not hurt that much! 

11) This pregnancy hasn’t half made you grumpy!

12) What do you mean you can’t eat nuts? I’ve made coffee and walnut cake?! 

13) Well why don’t we just get absolutely hammered on red wine?! 

14) If I’m Godmother does that mean I have to get the bugs out of the room? Because I’m not ready for that kind of commitment…

15) What a lovely sonogram picture..the heads a bit massive though isn’t it?? 

Love Robyn.

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23 thoughts on “15 things not to say to your pregnant friend…”

  1. Great list! I love the nipple one. Yes, it is true. May I add a few?

    1) Your horrible labor story including the gory details.
    2) Enjoy sleeping in now because you won’t be able to do it for years! (Guess what? Yes, that’s what happens. But you deal because you love the little person.)
    3) Babies are the easy part. Wait until they are teenagers. (Just let me get through birth, please.)
    4) I hope you don’t have a C-section. (I ended up having one. I recovered beautifully from it. Some women have vaginal births that have long recovery periods. Each woman is different with various health conditions and labour circumstances. Let’s account for that.)
    5) Why are you eating (anything that is supposedly bad for you)? (Evidently being pregnant gives the world the license to comment on your body and what you are putting in your mouth. I went through a stint of eating a Dunkin’ Donuts croissant with yogurt for breakfast and taking it to work. A colleague saw the bag and was worried that I was eating donuts every morning in my office.)

    People…

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  2. Other things you can’t say to a pregnant person:
    1) Oof, good luck with your 18 year long STD.
    2) Have you seen what kind of distance you can get on that morning sickness, 5 meters, 10?
    3) (in a low monotone) Lemme touch it. Can you feel it moving? Lemme feel.
    4) Does it turn your innie into an outie?
    5) No amount of kegels can reverse what’s going to happen to your hey nanny nanny.
    6) If you name your kid Blake or Olivia, I will perform a super-late-term-abortion myself.
    7) Great, because you worked out so well?
    8) Who’s the father? (For simplicity’s sake.)

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  3. These are things that men actually say – I’m in tears laughing with this one. You may have forgot the one about the father asking if it’s ok to go to the pub because the birth is taking too long.

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  4. A friend of mine, who was about 8 months pregnant at the time, expressed how tired she was of people asking when she was due. I told her she should respond, very seriously, “What do you mean? Due for what?”

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  5. Here’s some other bad things to say:
    1) Aren’t you a bit old to be a mum?
    2) Don’t you have enough kids already?
    3) How much do you worry you’ll be passed over at your job?
    4) How many stretch marks do you have so far?
    5) Don’t you hate the smell of baby vomit?
    6) I didn’t even know you liked kids.
    7) Do you hope your baby will look differently than you two?
    8) Are you going to taste your own breast milk, you know just to try it?
    9) What does your husband (spouse, father-of-the baby, boyfriend, etc.) think about your hemorrhoids?
    10) What will you do if the baby doesn’t like you?

    Oh, those would be terrible, wouldn’t they! 😦

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