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How to deal with summer when it’s hot and you’re English

robynchristi

  

STOP EVERYBODY. 

JUST STOP. 

THERE IS A BIG BRIGHT BURNY YELLOW THING IN THE SKY. 

AND THERE IS ABSOLUTELY NO WIND OR RAIN OR GREY OR ANYTHING…

AND EVERYBODY IS GOING CRAZY. 

Including me. I can’t handle it. So I thought I would try and be useful and create a concise list of how to deal with the hot burny bright thing…

  • Say the phrase ‘ooh it’s a bit bloody ‘ot isn’t it?’ Over and over again.
  • Ban the uses of hose pipes because it’s been 2 days of heat and there’s gunna be a drought. 
  • Don’t stop bringing a ‘cardy’ out with you because you never know…just in case..
  • Say ‘it’s ‘ot’ again for good measure.
  • Refuse to buy ice creams off of the ice cream man because you’re ‘not bloody made of money’.
  • Replace water with cider. And work with sitting outside whetherspoons.
  • Start every conversation about how it’s ‘too ‘ot’ and give people a weird look when they say ‘well it’s better than rain isn’t it?’
  • Have barbecue for breakfast.
  • Realise that no amount of sun cream will stop you going lobster red at the first sight of sunshine.
  • And also realise that no amount of after sun will stop the burny burny pain.
  • Complain that this heat will be playing havoc with your plants. 
  • Continue to eat acceptable gravy foods (chips, Yorkshire puds etc) with lashings of gravy..
  • And tea don’t forget tea. 
  • And for good measure don’t forget to mention ‘ow bloody ‘ot is!

Published by robynchristi

36 thoughts on “How to deal with summer when it’s hot and you’re English”

  2. Oh god. You…You have to deal with people talking about the weather all the time!?! What cruelty hast Mother Nature wrought! Everyone talking about the weather may be a worse plague than a pandemic of people compulsively talking about their dreams. Hopefully, with the onset of global warming, you and your community will accept oppressive weather as an inevitability and hide in air conditioned establishments without talking about it, like a civilized society.

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  4. I wondered where the sun had gone. Now I know it is on the other side of the pond. Please send it back my way, You may have your rain back. I can’t say anything about the temperature. It is still warm here, but we do have that wonderful invention called the air conditioner. 🙂

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  5. “AND THERE IS ABSOLUTELY NO WIND OR RAIN OR GREY OR ANYTHING…”

    You should never, ever visit California. You won’t like it here! 😉

    We hardly every have any grey, except for what we call June gloom. But that’s almost over now. Normally, the next real cloud we see might float by in November. With our drought though … probably not. 😦

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  6. Lovely weather we’re having here- temp went from a low of 18 to a high of 27 and mostly cloudy but no rain, allowed me to cut the lawn. it was a perfect day. Hope your weather eases off for you. Meantime, pour a cup or a cider drink and try to keep a stiff upper lip while it’s “so bloody ‘ot.” I won’t buy from the ice cream truck either, because alas, I’m “not bloody made of money” either. When I do get the money, I’m buying the whole damn truck. And I’ll share with you all.

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  7. This is so funny, it’s exactly what I do. A few extra’s for you:
    1) Complaining it’s too hot and still wearing jeans.
    2) Keeping an umbrella close and watching every cloud.
    3) Very cautious of Wimbledon and it’s never complete without at least 10 heavy showers.

    I love your homour, it’s brilliant, you could be a stand up comedian with your blogs 😛

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  8. It’s bloody “ot ” here too. It was 101 yesterday. I have to add to sfarnell’s list and say:
    When it’s 100 degrees and you see people wearing beanies and black skinny jeans. Either they’re masochists or aliens. Or…somehow they didn’t get the memo that it’s balls hot.
    I hate being hot btw, so I feel your pain.

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      2. Picture your tiny, ordinary house fly, then blow it up to ten times its’ normal size and give the bastard a long pointy straw for a mouth, a bite that hurts like fuck and leaves a large welt behind, and a voracious vampire’s appetite for blood. That’s a horsefly. They even like swimmers and will wait for you to surface so they can get a taste. Or another taste. I may be exaggerating a little, but I’m not exaggerating.

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  10. I’m Australian. So this is very cute.

    But actually that list applies to Australians in the cold, just inverted. Whenever it rains heavily here my facebook feed fills up with people exclaiming “Crikey! There’s water falling from the sky!”

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      1. Me too, because I was actually struggling to come up with a good Aussie word to throw in there for the joke. I just couldn’t make “chuck a uey”, “maggoted”, “goon”, “drop-bear”, or “ranga” work in the context of an exclamation about rain.

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