THERE IS A BIG BRIGHT BURNY YELLOW THING IN THE SKY.
AND THERE IS ABSOLUTELY NO WIND OR RAIN OR GREY OR ANYTHING…
AND EVERYBODY IS GOING CRAZY.
Including me. I can’t handle it. So I thought I would try and be useful and create a concise list of how to deal with the hot burny bright thing…
- Say the phrase ‘ooh it’s a bit bloody ‘ot isn’t it?’ Over and over again.
- Ban the uses of hose pipes because it’s been 2 days of heat and there’s gunna be a drought.
- Don’t stop bringing a ‘cardy’ out with you because you never know…just in case..
- Say ‘it’s ‘ot’ again for good measure.
- Refuse to buy ice creams off of the ice cream man because you’re ‘not bloody made of money’.
- Replace water with cider. And work with sitting outside whetherspoons.
- Start every conversation about how it’s ‘too ‘ot’ and give people a weird look when they say ‘well it’s better than rain isn’t it?’
- Have barbecue for breakfast.
- Realise that no amount of sun cream will stop you going lobster red at the first sight of sunshine.
- And also realise that no amount of after sun will stop the burny burny pain.
- Complain that this heat will be playing havoc with your plants.
- Continue to eat acceptable gravy foods (chips, Yorkshire puds etc) with lashings of gravy..
- And tea don’t forget tea.
- And for good measure don’t forget to mention ‘ow bloody ‘ot is!