11 things you don’t want to hear at a wedding…


How cute are these cats? Anyway moving on, whether it’s your own wedding, a friends, a sisters or Mr and Mrs Pussums (pictured above) here are 11 things that won’t sound *coughs* ideal at a wedding…

1) ‘What do you mean the  brides allergic to nuts?? Well she shouldn’t try that wedding cak- oh wait too late’

2) ‘I think the DJs got his record stuck on Macarena’

3) ‘I mean the horses were a nice touch but what else do you expect when keeping them inside…’

4) ‘Well how was the bride supposed to know that dove attacks are a very real and threatening thing’

5) ‘ Well I said to them, nothing with fire, but did they listen? No! Now look who’s got no eyebrows’

6) ‘Is it obvious that i ate Doritos and then wiped it on my ridiculously expensive wedding dress??’

7) ‘Well I don’t know what happened but one of the page-boys was doing Knee slides on the dance floor and well now here we are…covered in cake’

8) Photographer: ‘i think you guys might be the ugliest wedding I’ve ever seen…hahaha just kid-no wait I’m not you really are’ 

9) ‘Has anybody seen one of grandmas false teeth? Anybody? Okay check the soups!’

10) ‘well who thought that a hamster was a good wedding present?!’

11) ‘ Well I think the reason she looks so unhappy is that the groom planned the honeymoon, she wanted to go to all inclusive in the Maldives but erm he chose camping in the Peak District for a week…’

Love Robyn.

13 thoughts on “11 things you don’t want to hear at a wedding…”

  1. I loved all of those, gave me a few laughs. Here’s few cringey ones that I could apply to a wedding I went to some years ago:

    1: How much were the caterer’s? There’s not enough food and no drink.

    2: Woman running bar – “We need the fridge for the evening drinks”
    Me – “We need the fridge for the Champagne, that’s going to be first”
    Woman running bar – “Grumble, grip f&^% – you’ve got an attitude problem”

    3: 2 hours before wedding – arriving to an un-decorated and un-setup reception hall with about 6 guys, moping about doing nothing Me – “Are we going to set this up?”
    Guys – “Nah – we don’t know what the groom wants to do – he’s back in a couple of hours”

    4: DJ announces at 1am after having had a skinful “Where are my car keys?”

    Or these which I’ve thought of which are total fiction:

    1: I know the best man gets frisky with the girls when he’s drunk – but does he know he’s snogging the bride?

    2: Do you think the bride meant to throw her bouquet to the only girl with chronic hay fever?

    3: No the black speckles on the cake aren’t decoration, Mary put the cake down to open the boot as Arthur started the car.

    4: Can we have a shot of the bride and groom please – no, that’s her sister.

    Enjoy! 🙂


  2. “As the father of the groom, I’m just glad the bride is not concerned with penis size.”
    “I give it two years. I now declare you husband and wife.”
    “Who knows, maybe this time it’ll take.”
    “Now for the traditional battle of the fathers. Remove your shirts, there’s a knife in the middle of the ring, good luck to the two of you.”
    “The doors are locked. No one is going anywhere until we collectively execute the PERFECT chicken dance!”
    “This is a dry wedding.”

    Liked by 1 person

  3. I love camping. I look forward to my 3 trips or more every summer but trust me there is nothing romantic about pooping in the wilderness. I don’t think I could even joke about going camping on honeymoon.

    Liked by 2 people

  4. No. 5 just gave me a horrific picture of a church wedding, where the church burnt down due to whatever caused the fire & the incident is recorded in church records for eternity & will be mentioned in the history books as “The terrible incident of Mr & Mrs. ‘X’s wedding’.

    Liked by 1 person

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