Okay it’s Sunday morning and I have zero ideas for a blog post.
I thought okay maybe I can do like a roundup of events. Oh wait I don’t know anything about world or current events.
How about doing a roundup of your own week?? Oh wait nobody wants to hear about you having maltessers for breakfast and buying a bike.
Then this idea occurred to me ‘how to be good at life’, bingo! Oh wait you are terrible at life how can you give people advice?
Well Mr negative brain thoughts, here’s how…I’m actually not good at life therefore I KNOW what somebody should NOT do in order to be good at it!
So really this post should be called ‘how to be bad at life?’ Erm yes.
So here goes how to be bad at life:
1) Do spend all your money on wine and 2for1 cocktails before you’ve paid your rent.
2) Eat Malteasers for breakfast. And for dinner when nobody’s there to cook for you.
3) Treat your laptop, IPad, phone with no love. Drop them on the floor, try to walk away with the, whilst they’re still on charge, you know be a general idiot when it comes to technology.
4) Write blog posts and spend hours looking on Facebook (and wondering why you just don’t delete it) instead of actually doing work.
5) Be perfectly unable to do the washing up.
6) Drink cider, even though the next morning your teeth will hurt so bad.
7) Be a terrible speller. And own an even worser Auto-correcter.
8) Even when you move out and in my case when you move to a different country, still call your parents and ask them how to do life. Also for money.
9)Always always lose your receipts, especially for that dress you need to take back.
10) Wait for your tea to go cold before you ever have the chance to enjoy it.
11) Only wait until you might possibly be dying before you go to the doctors.
12) Get irrationally annoyed when things don’t go your way.
13) Come home after being drunk and realise that then is the perfect time to have a serious conversation. Or buy clothes online. Actually just buy anything online.
14) Repeatedly wear high-heeled or uncomfortable shoes even though they give you blisters the size of the moon.
15) Put your coat on before you go outside in the cold, to not feel the benefit.
16) Eat a snack just before a big meal even though your mum told you not to and not be able to finish said meal.
17) Don’t ever check weather forecasts.
18) Cycle somewhere and forget your bicycle lock. Everytime.
19) Never charge your phone and never realise it’s going to die until you need it at the most important time.
20) Feel bad for going into a shop for not buying anything, so pressuring yourself into buying something.
21) Forget you’ve put bread buns in the oven until you realise nearly 40 minutes later the faint aroma of burning.
22) Never learn how to use a washing machine. Ever.