- ‘I’m a punctual and reliable person’
Means: ‘I can get out of bed on a morning if I really really must if I have 50 alarms on. ‘
- ‘I have proficient knowledge of social media and use them regularly’
Means: I use Facebook as a way of stalking people I know but don’t want to talk to in real life.
- ‘I’m a very communicative person’
Means: I’m really good at telling people about yesterday’s episode of big brother.
- ‘I’m a tech savvy person’
Means: ‘i know how to put more paper in the printer…oh and I can use my phone to ring someone else to change the ink’
- ‘I understand the importance of looking smart’
Means: ‘I’ve perfected the art of getting ready in 10 minutes and doing my makeup on the bus’.
- ‘I am a highly motivated team player’
Means: ‘I’m highly motivated to use my wage to buy wine’.
- ‘I always treat others with my upmost respect’
Means: it takes a lot of control but I don’t shout at happy people on Monday mornings anymore.
- ‘I understand the importance of being well organised’
Means : ‘ I sometimes even throw my yoghurt pot in the bin and not just let it fester on desk’
- ‘I deal with problems in a mature way‘
Means: ‘ I will wait until the end of the meeting to go into the toilets and cry’
- ‘I have lots of valuable work experience’
Means: ‘this is what 6th form told me to write on here’
- I always concentrate on the task at hand’
Means: When I’m not allowed access to Facebook/twitter/Instagram I can do an alright job.
- ‘I speak another foreign language’
Means: I learnt how to ask for 2 cocktails whilst I was on holiday in Spain.
Like this one? Read this oldie but goodie as well.