What your CV really means…

  

• ‘I’m a punctual and reliable person’ 

Means: ‘I can get out of bed on a morning if I really really must if I have 50 alarms on. ‘

• ‘I have proficient knowledge of social media and use them regularly’ 

Means: I use Facebook as a way of stalking people I know but don’t want to talk to in real life. 

• ‘I’m a very communicative person’

Means: I’m really good at telling people about yesterday’s episode of big brother. 

• ‘I’m a tech savvy person’ 

Means: ‘i know how to put more paper in the printer…oh and I can use my phone to ring someone else to change the ink’

• ‘I understand the importance of looking smart’ 

Means: ‘I’ve perfected the art of getting ready in 10 minutes and doing my makeup on the bus’.

• ‘I am a highly motivated team player’ 

Means: ‘I’m highly motivated to use my wage to buy wine’.

• ‘I always treat others with my upmost respect’ 

Means: it takes a lot of control but I don’t shout at happy people on Monday mornings anymore.

• ‘I understand the importance of being well organised’ 

Means : ‘ I sometimes even throw my yoghurt pot in the bin and not just let it fester on desk’ 

• ‘I deal with problems in a mature way‘

Means: ‘ I will wait until the end of the meeting to go into the toilets and cry’

• ‘I have lots of valuable work experience’ 

Means: ‘this is what 6th form told me to write on here’ 

• I always concentrate on the task at hand’ 

Means: When I’m not allowed access to Facebook/twitter/Instagram I can do an alright job.

• ‘I speak another foreign language’ 

Means: I learnt how to ask for 2 cocktails whilst I was on holiday in Spain. 

Love Robyn.

Like this one? Read this oldie but goodie as well.