21 things you don’t want to hear on public transport


1) ‘oh yeah I think this is the same bus that, that tramp wee’d on last time…yeah definitely’

2) ‘would you mind if my (screaming and crying) child sits next to you?’

3) ‘well I personally don’t see the harm in eating an egg and sardine sandwhich on the bus’ 

4) ‘oh no she doesn’t bite…well not that much’

5) ‘I think my waters might be breaking!’

6) ‘Do you mind if I sit next to you?  been one of those long days in the fish shop, I even forgot to put on deodrant this morning! Haha’

7) ‘Apparently they’re re-doing the traffic lights on that junction, so I think there’s something like an hour long delay today…oh well’ 

8) *The sound (and smell) of somebody eating a McDonald’s next to you when you’re starving and you forgot your sandwich*

9) ‘here, what you looking at?!’ 

10) ‘well when I was giving birth to Clementine, it was all rather gorey so much blood and mucus’ 

11) ‘I drank so much last night, I swear I’m going to vom any second’ 

12) *the general sound of interchanging saliva (kissing)*

13) ‘well I tell you Margaret, diarrhoea is not a fun experience’ 

14) ‘we’ve not had much luck potty training the little one, he does have a habit of just….oh sam no, this not a toilet!’ 

15) ‘I’m not drunk-hiccup- at-hiccup- all’

16) ‘ sorry hope you don’t mind the bag of prawns and blue cheese? Sorry oh terribly sorry about the smell’

17) ‘does this seat feel damp to you or is it just mine?’

18) ‘well the doctor said its just a small bout of herpes, nothing to worry about’

19) *the long drawn out sound of the man sat next to you farting*

20) ‘It had been in the fridge so long, I’m not even sure what it was anymore, anyway I picked the mould off of it and it turned out to be…’

21) ‘babe, can you just squeeze that spot I’ve got on my chin? Yeah it’s got loads of gunk in it’

Love Robyn.

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