Things only unaffectionate people understand…


You do like people, from a distance..

  • It’s time to leave. You will do an army roll out of the door if it means avoiding doing hugs. 
  •  When someone’s crying and you sit there wondering if it’s okay to run away and pretend you never saw it. 
  • When strangers tap you on the back in a matey way and it takes you a while to get over the space invasion. 
  • You want to be a good friend who’s upset so you contact a slightly more caring friend to deal with the situation. 
  • You are the worst person when it comes to consoling people, all your examples of sadness come from overcooking pasta.
  • A handshake is a really good interaction.
  • Just because you’ve known someone for years doesn’t mean they get a hug upon arrival. 
  • The no hug rule is also not broken for people you haven’t seen in a while. A hearty handshake and a smile is enough. 
  • You might develop a twitch when someone gives you a nickname, but obviously would never say anything. 
  • Sometimes you think that you might be more affectionate when you’re drunk…you’re not.
  • A full taxi. Oh no all the forces limb touching.
  • Mushiness might make you say the phrase ‘I’m gunna vom’.
  • You don’t understand why couples can’t just display their love with a glance.
  • You think okay maybe holding hands is cute but then you think ‘hmm bet their palms are sweaty’ 
  • Sometimes you can be surprisingly nice and you take that as your good deed for the rest of the year. 
  • People that love their pets like babies kind of confuse you (…they can’t even talk?) .
  • Although you have been known to cry at a moving episode of How I Met Your Mother than any real life situation. 
  • When you do have to give someone a hug and it’s described as ‘lackluster’ or ‘a tap’.
  • A cup of tea can be the answer to any problem. 

Love Robyn.

7 thoughts on “Things only unaffectionate people understand…”

  1. I went to college with a guy who would walk up behind my seat and give me a hard shoulder rub every time he walked into the dining hall. It didn’t take long before I started to cringe any time I saw him come through the door. Not long after that I would see him coming and decide I wasn’t hungry anymore, even if there was still a lot of food on my tray. Seriously, dude, stop touching me!


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