Things that go through your head when you’re hungover

 

If you’re anything like my friend of a friend (obviously not me) and you have a bit of a sore head this might apply to you right now 

• This is what the cast of Geordie Shore must feel like ALL the time.

• I’m dying. I need to check my medical insurance. This is it, the light, I can see the light. 

• If I could just sleep in a bread bun and be surrounded by burger, my life would be 100% better. 

• On the other hand food is the devil. I’m gunna be sick. 

• I feel like my eyeballs are covered in sand paper. Is that a thing?! 

• It’s okay I can be a functioning human being. When I have to. If I need to.

• I’m quite worried about doing burps. If you know what I mean.

• But work really isn’t ideal today, maybe if I have a sausage roll and a Capri sun I would feel better. 

• I feel like my kitchen shouldn’t look like that. I can’t move for all the bottles. 

• I think the alcohol might be coming out the pores on my face. And poisoning me. 

• Maybe I can use this bottles as fancy kitsch candle holders, I’ll definitely do that. 

• I think my face might be hungover.

• There is actually no water in my mouth, or in my body. There’s just sand. I’m a big bag of sand. 

• Please tell me I don’t need i sneeze. When I sneeze I think my brain might fall out. 

• I can’t actually not even remember why I just opened this cupboard door. 

• That is probably one of the last times I even drink. Or one of the last times I mix my drinks. 

• THE SUNLIGHT IS MOCKING ME.

• If i could just drag my achey smelly body to the shower I would be okay. 

• Would be okay to eat that bit  of kebab that I’ve been sleeping on? It’s been gently warmed by my cheek and tears. 

• I smell really badly.

If anybody has any hangover remedies (for my friend of a friend) they would be really gratefull (preferably ones that don’t include raw eggs), love Robyn.