Here is the cold hard truth:
Expectations: wow so cool and all the flowery headbands, flouncing around like Alexander Chung all weekend.
Reality: peeing in portaloos that even a dog wouldn’t use (the smell, oh god the smell) and being trampled in crowds. Not mention the odd bottle of pissbeing thrown at your head.
Baking a cake:
Expectations: ooh make way Mary Berry, there’s a new cake master in town.
Reality: ‘I think next time a little bit less sugar….and egg shells’.
Going on a girls holiday:
Expectation: Exactly like in Sex And The a City, drinking all the cocktails and maybe wearing a big hat.
Reality: Being hungover in the glaring sunshine and not being able to afford to eat.
Going to the beach:
Expectation: lying around, drinking iced tea, having a little snooze.
Reality: Sand. Sand everywhere.
Going to Topshop:
Expectation: ooh so chic and so highstreet runway, I heard Kendall Jenner shops here.
Reality: is that a plastic see through skirt?
Going to the doctors:
Expectation: ooh it’s only a check up, I’ll be in, out and off.
Reality: sitting next to the illest people in the world for 45 minutes whilst people who came in later than you get to go first.
Walking in high heels:
Expectations: all the legs, and fabulous flaunting around.
Reality: falling over on the floor like a baby giraffe. Oh and blisters. All the blisters.
Cutting your hair short:
Expectation: I’m gunna look cool and sassy like Jennifer Larence and not having to waste so much time styling it. ITS THE PERFECT SOLUTUON.
Reality: IM BALD! MY BEAUTIFUL HAIR, MY BEAUTIFUL HAIR!