36 things you DONT want to hear on a first date

 

Something’s are best left till at least the 4th date (or unsaid)

1. ‘This one time in prison…’
2. ‘I remember for our 10th anniversary, me and my ex girlfriend were..’
3. ‘Oh god I can’t believe I was nearly engaged last week’
4. ‘Well my stripping days were all just a bit of fun’
5. ‘I don’t really have many friends, just cats lots of cats’ 
6. ‘This is the first time I’ve been out the house since New Years 2013’
7. ‘Well my last husband was a 65 year old millionaire but..’
8. ‘Well my last girlfriend was a little bit thinner than you, but it’s okay I prefer chunky girls’
9. ‘I’m glad you you chose this Italian restaurant, I’ve been thrown out of 4 others’
10. ‘If you’re lucky today might be the day I show you my tattoo *winks*.
11. ‘I still live at home, it’s not weird though me and my mum don’t share a room..anymore’ 
12. ‘I gave up doing porn quite a while ago’ 
13. ‘Well I got fired last week for sleeping with my bosses wife’ 
14. ‘I haven’t shaved my armpits since 1992’ 
15. ‘Well I’m not really an athletic, except for my feet, got a roaring case of athletes foot’ 
16. ‘You have such small teeth’ 
17. ‘Next time lets just go for a kebab’
18. ‘I’m glad you’re chubby, I don’t like skinny guys’ 
19. ‘Well this one time on my gap yah when I had diarrhoea’ 
20. ‘My last boyfriend was a 6 ft 5 marine, but it’s nothing to worry about, well I mean we do still live together…’
21. ‘I just don’t understand what’s so bad about UKIP?’ 
22. ‘I don’t really believe in monogamy’ 
23. ‘Well of course when we get married, and the twins Leopoldo and marmalade will have to….oh wait did I say that out loud?’ 
24. ‘The voices in my head told me not to go on this date’
25. ‘Your hair is the exact same chesnuty red as my last girlfriend, sigh’ 
26. ‘How do you like my cowboy boots?’ 
27. ‘I did get sent home from work the other day because I refused to change out of my crocodile onesie’ 
28. ‘Well I do have to avoid calls with my bank manager…but it’s just a little spending problem, nothing to worry about,so Caviar and champagne?’ 
29. ‘Last time I had Oysters they did a real turn on me’
30. ‘I do enjoy dressing my cats up from scenes of famous musicals, here’s sir phibby as a Fantine from Les Mis, yes I did have to shave her’
31. ‘I just don’t believe in showering’
32. ‘Have you heard of a SheWee? I just can’t imagine having to have to sit down to wee again!’
33. ‘Well I have been banned from quite a number or pools for peeing in them’
34. ‘My cocaine addiction did used to be a lot worse’ 
35. ‘I’m not racists but’ 
36. ‘I’m trying to be an actress, I just had an audition for a film behind the Macdonalds where the director works part time’ 

Love, Robyn. 

P.s what’s the weirdest thing anyone’s said to you on a first date?

‘Have you heard a