I thought now was a fitting time to write a post like this, as I sit, head in my hands and with a mouth as dry as the Sahara desert.
1) Kebabs, the answer to your prayers at 4.30 but in reality it’s just floor meat and now you smell reaaaaaally bad of garlic mayo and you probably spilled some on your jeans.
2) Taking said kebab home to ‘eat for breakfast’, WRONG.
3) Talking about your feelings, one too many wines might make you want to tell someone that you’re feeling fat and you hate your job, but it probably will result in crying or drunk texting your ex boyfriend.
4) Trying to redo your eyeliner, HAHAHA, that’s not even possible when people are sober, just leave it for now, smokey eye is obviously much sexier and mysterious anyway.
5) just sending a ‘sneaky’ text to the guy you like, trying to sound cool and sexy, but not knowing how to write ‘how are you?’ Is making things problematic.
6) Taking £50 out at 3am, because how can that not be a good idea?!
7) Trying to ‘sneak’ up the stairs into bed, shouting ‘SHHHH’ and subsequently falling over a shoe in your bedroom. Not exactly a James Bond style entrance and you definately woke your mum up.
8) Eating in bed. A wagon- wheel before bed never hurt anybody but now you’ve woken up sweaty and itchy with crumbs down your top. Is that jam on me?
9) Trying to making curly fries in the microwave.
10) Going outside by yourself for ‘two minutes’. Now your lost, and can’t remember if your friends are in Last Restort or James Joyce’s but that’s just fiiiiiine because the bouncer thinks your too drunk anyway.
11) Trying to barter for a taxi price.
12) SELFIES! At 3am, lipstick smeared down your chin and kebab sauce on your cami top.
And now it’s time for me to beg my boyfriend to go to the shop and buy lemonade and paracetamol, whilst I return to my duvet cocoon.